Too lost in you

In order to understand the mood of the girl starring in this article you need to read this while listening to Sugababes’ song “Too lost in you,” featured in the movie “Love Actually.” For those who have not seen the movie, I strongly recommend it; the name should be “Love is all around.” The song is on the soundtrack of this gorgeous Hugh Grant movie.

However, this girl is lost in the wrong guy.
Women speak in a very sophisticated way, and it is a real joy listening to a clever woman. I am listening to a dear English friend, and I am picking up some words that are unfortunately referring to violence against a woman by her boyfriend. When I dug into the matter and asked questions about this issue, my friend was reluctant to respond at first, but later I convinced her to tell me more about what happened. It was not herself, but a very close friend of hers is abused by her boyfriend. In this particular case, there is an age gap between this beautiful middle-aged English lady and the Turkish guy (let’s say Turkish-speaking guy), who is no longer happy with the life offered by his girlfriend. However, the age gap is not a determining characteristic of such a case.

When I listened to the full story, the details hurt me even more. The English lady comes to Turkey with a broken heart, tired of emotional problems encountered in her home country, and needs some rest, goodness, tenderness and kindness. She meets a young, good-looking and careful guy who is very interested in her. The guy seems to be very sincere and honest. Although he is uneducated and comes from a poor family, he is never interested in money and he is very happy with his position as a waiter at a restaurant and bar. Day after day, the two parties grow closer, and the language difference makes things exotic and exciting; if you don’t really understand things, you start to interpret them, and you usually interpret these words in the way that you want to see it. I witness the determination of a woman who is struggling to establish a new life with a new love around who one day finds out that there is no love but only a full load of lies.

What’s going on here? I smell a set up. A set up that is run smoothly. The guy, having nothing better to do, sticks to a woman. To a woman who loves him, a woman who tries to save the rest of his life, a woman who has the means to manage this financially. I hate to talk about this, but the truth is usually ugly.

Things get worse in the course of events. The guy wants the girl to take him to abroad and share her life with him. The girl wants this, but is either clever enough to test him before giving him full access to her life or she does not want to go back to the home that she abandoned and is less clever but lucky that she does not have the financial means to manage this immigration request.

At this stage, the guy starts to get angry because his investment in the project is getting lost. Of course, he made an investment. He invested his time and skills into his bloody immigration project. Time is valuable to him because he is expecting this immediately. Then he suddenly resorts to violence, first verbally and then physically.

The violence is there, and the victim is doing nothing. There may be several reasons: she might be frightened of further violence; she might still be saying: “Oh no! I love him I don’t know what to do.”

It is of the utmost importance to understand the mood and situation of a woman in such a relationship so that you can convince yourself to help a victim of violence. Take this as a matter of first aid. Would you ask the consent of a person who needs first aid?

Berk Cektir reported for Todays Zaman